Apparently, the city I live in made the top 10 in unhappiest cities in America. I think I am going to go out and start drinking. What is the point of lists like these.
"Hey I know you are unemployed, divorced and depressed. Read this list that is going to help push you over the edge.... here is a rope"
News people are assholes.
There are times when management tries to force new work flows. Usually this is because they read an article or attended a yellow belt class. Today our office was subjected to a surprise lesson on cutting bread.
I removed the knives from the suite 201 kitchen to encourage some innovative thinking on how to cut bread without damaging our countertops. The idea appears to have worked; the bread was consumed and the damage to the countertops is no worse.
Today at my company, they are having their annual awards presentation, not sure what that means but the excitement here is pretty much non-existent.
I don't really know who will be receiving awards or what they will be for, I do however think I am going to clap louder than everyone else. I may try and continue clapping long after everyone else stops.
Maybe there will be some cake or something to make the meeting worth while.
Please don't mistake this post for some sort of "tow the company line" BS. But, let me just say, my bonus this year is I am glad that I have a job. In the economy today that makes me a lucky person.
We are supposed to find out about our raises and bonuses today. This at least tells me that while we may not have hit the numbers we wanted, at least we were still profitable and I can leave my cardboard box at home.
It got me to thinking, what kind of job would I get if I did not have my current job. I can tell you for one, I have officially given up my dream of playing in the NFL. After making myself draft eligible for the last 8 years I have received no phone calls on draft weekend. Oh well, their loss.
I have also given up my dream of being an astronaut. Who am I kidding, I don't like flying on the 1 hour Delta flights, what made me think I could handle bouncing around in space for a week or two?
I also don't want to be president anymore. I get stressed out when my neighbor parks in front of my house. I would hate to have to worry about some Arab carrying suitcase bombs around the mall of America or something.
I still would like to work for Lego. I am sure if they could only see what kind of sweet walls I can make with all the leftover pieces they would hire me in a second.
All that said, I think the job for me is writing code. Why you ask? Because, as nerdy as it is. I still like reading articles like this.
Later.
There's almost no one here this entire week. The office is completely barren and some how I've gotten more work done this morning than I did all of last week. Remove the the people that help you do your job and your job is a lot easier.
When the office is empty everything seems better.
The coffee is fresh. It seems that everyone uses just the right amount of coffee instead of pouring in half a bag of beans. They even empty out the other pots so the old coffee doesn't turn into a boiling pot of oil.
Donuts are brought in to share. They aren't left behind after a few people ravaged them like starving coyotes. They are set out on display like it is a delicious sacrifice to my own godliness.
The rampaging clatter and clacking of keyboards is almost non-existent. The usual barrage of keys being slammed doesn't have to be drowned out by loud music, instead thinking is possible.
We need more days like this.
So it seems we dodged a bullet. Between my co-workers and the Meteorologist I was sure that this time the white death (Snow) would be the end of us. Turns out all it did was teach me a lesson in being prepared.
I forgot to replace my ice scraper in the car this winter so while everyone else was getting their windows nice and clear, I was chipping away at the ice chunks with my wife's old flip flop I found in the car.
I managed to get ice chunks all over the front of me and when I was finally on the road and the heat kicked in, the ice melted and I was left to look like I pissed myself.
Another day another dollar.
"Instead it should have added the capability for the program to look at the extension of any file it sees in the input folder and set a corresponding numerical representation of the file format into the control file record."
It's sentences like the one above that seriously makes me think twice about Christmas. I mean why bother buying for others when I can be happier buying a few things for myself.
Cheers to translating gibberish.
Ahhh.... the Holidays. This past weekend my company had their annual Holiday Party. They can no longer call it a Christmas party because to some people that is the most offensive thing in the world. So it was Mardi Gras themed. Nothing makes me think of the holidays like feather masks and beads.
Anyway, the greatest thing about the holiday parties for this company is some of the attire that decides to show up. The dresses are amazing. They are the type of dresses that would cause high school principals to cancel the prom if the girls showed up in these. (I asked my wife if I should have brought singles so that I could tip the waitress if you know what I mean)
We got the chat about how great the company is and how everything looks great for 2009. (I will remember that when they begin to lay people off). No great stories from this one other than the innocent insults that were hurled between friends at our dinner table. How one wife looks like a stripper in pictures, or another dating couple are obviously not right for each other. You know, things that make everyone cringe and provide much awkward silence. The food was ok and the DJ tried his best.
At least the drinks were free. Happy Mardi Gras Holiday everyone!
Hold on a second, my boss is walking by.
This is going to be a place where I share the cool things (and not so cool) that happen to me everyday as I attempt to live the dream. (not sure who's dream)
Stay tuned.
